SOS: Emotions!
Do you believe emotions to be positive or negative? You may believe some to be negative while other emotions are positive.
Warning: do not continue to read unless you dare to be radically challenged!
Most of us grew up believing that some emotions are acceptable while others are not. How we were parented, how our caregivers responded to us, and how emotions were role-modeled all affect what we believe about emotions and how we react to them in our daily lives. For some, their caregivers' reactions to their emotions were often dismissive, with phrases like 'Don't feel that way,' 'Don't be sad,' or 'Don't get angry.'
When emotions are dismissed, people believe that certain emotions, such as sadness, anger, fear, loneliness, and shame, are unacceptable, while emotions like happiness and safety are valid.
What if I told you that emotions are neither positive nor negative—they are neutral? As a matter of fact, what we do with our emotions, the actions that we take in response to what we feel, is what is negative or positive.
Emotions communicate about our environment by telling us what to feel so that we can understand what we need. Did I lose you? Keep reading to understand the purpose of emotions.
Emotions are like a thermostat in a room - a thermostat communicates the temperature in the room by providing a number (degree) so that you can adjust it to what feels comfortable to you. If the room is 95 degrees, your body will feel uncomfortably warm. If it's too hot, you will sweat and probably get irritable - your brain will send signals to activate your motor skills and move towards the thermostat so that you can control and bring the temperature down to a comfortable degree. The number on the thermostat is neither positive nor neutral; it exists to communicate that 95 degrees is hot and that we would like to bring it down to cool down. We may associate a positive or negative connotation to the number, but at last, it's just a number communicating the temperature.
Emotions are to the brain (human experience), and what a thermostat is to a room. You have an embedded "thermostat" that works hard to keep you comfortable and stabilized. Every single emotion communicates through your five senses and your memory about your environment. The brain takes that information, evokes an emotion, and then, based on our emotional intelligence, knowledge of emotions, and awareness, we respond accordingly.
When we grew up hearing, "Don't feel that way, don't say that, etc.," this can be the equivalent of telling a thermostat that reads 78, "Don't show me that it's 78 degrees."
That sounds absurd because we know that telling the thermostat, "Don't show me 78 degrees," will not change anything. The brain is the same way; telling ourselves or others, "Don't be mad," never changes the situation; in fact, it invalidates an essential part of being human - that being the ability to feel and strategize to meet our needs.
Humans are not as simple as thermostats; we do not have buttons that regulate our emotions, but we can learn tools, techniques, and life skills to help us regulate our emotions healthily. Every single emotion communicates a unique message. So, how do we master emotions?
Learn that they are essential to the human experience. If you feel them, you are not broken; your brain is functioning!
Emotions are not your enemies. They are your allies. Though some are unpleasant, they try to make you aware of your surroundings and needs.
Learn how to identify your emotions and name what you are feeling.
Learn what that emotion is communicating and what it's telling you that you need.
Learn the reality that not all emotions are real. Some need to be challenged, or they will cause chaos in our lives.
Talk to a therapist who can teach you what each emotion means!
